more on commitment

I am learning the difference: "Commitment" has one 'T", and "Committed" has two.

I've decided not to do the Self Expression and Leadership Program this fall. I think this seminar has helped me come to that decision. Getting real about my commitments made a difference. If I say that I am going to walk this marathon on December 9, and then fail to allow time for training, then I am not living in reality. I put everything down on paper and looked at it, and realized that I was left with little time to study, and little time for exercise.

The other piece of the decision comes out of this likely move to San Francisco for a year. I know that the SELP is about contributing to a community. I would rather not rush through this in preparation for leaving. What if I did SELP in San Francisco? Also -- last night's seminar got me really excited about the Assisting Program. Whether I stay in Seattle or go to San Fran (I'm still hovering at about 90 percent sure I'm going to SF), I want to participate in assisting.

So... Now I'll share about my possibility. Last night, I saw that a hidden commitment to being RIGHT operates in the background of much of my life. I noticed that, in conversations, I tend to listen for opportunities to be RIGHT.

I am creating the possibility of being a clearing for possibility in my conversations. This is related to who I say I am in this blog: the possibility of generosity. I can create space in my listening for what's possible (ANYTHING) -- and give up being RIGHT.

I also saw a hidden commitment to being a FRAUD and a FAILURE. I think this also operates in the background in my life. I came home last night and talked with Susan and Monika about this. Like, when I say that I am committed to abundant health, and then I secretly eat a piece of cake in the break room when no one is looking. See, then I get to be RIGHT about being a FAILURE. Ha, ha.

I am creating the possibility of being authentic and successful.

commitment seminar assignment, post #1

On commitments -- what I say they are, and what they actually are:

- I say that I am committed to extraordinary health. What shows up in reality is commitment to my comfort. For example, I called in sick to work yesterday because I was having some lightheadedness and dizziness, and I slept all day. When I woke up, I could have gone for a walk (I felt great after the extra sleep and had no more dizziness), but I made up that since I stayed out of work for the day, I probably shouldn't go out for exercise. I was actually just experiencing inertia, and then I made up a story that let me stay comfortable.

-This is an area of my life that is important to me. One of the things I am taking on in this seminar is having a breakthrough in the area of my health. On December 9, I will be completing the Honolulu marathon (as a racewalker). The last time I did this was six years ago, and I am significantly less active now than I was then. I am also working on finding a diet that works for my body as well as my soul and the planet (an authentic relationship with food!!), and this is posing some challenges (the dizziness above; I think I may be missing some nutrients, but it's going to take some work to find out).

-I did go to the doctor today and asked for some lab tests. Results will be available in a couple of days. New openings for action call us powerfully to action!

i love apples!!

making a difference

This morning, I was thinking about how future commitments affect how I am being today.

For example, I noticed that my upcoming family vacation to Hawaii (in December) has made it important (and even urgent) for me to put energy into healing my relationship with my family. This is the first time we are taking a trip together like this. I created this idea for a couple of reasons. One, because I was feeling disappointed that Christmas is filled with so much toxic waste: packaging, stuff we don't need, unhealthy food, resentments, comparisions, envy, despair. It's supposed to be "The most wonderful time of the year!" and yet, every year, I find myself dreading it -- or looking at ways to "get through" Christmas. (anybody seen this movie, "Surviving Christmas"? I understand the concept.

Anyway, I wanted to create the possibility of a Christmas that was filled with more experiences, less waste. Quality of time, not quantity of stuff. So I talked with my family about this, a few months ago. "Hey family, what if we decided that, rather than giving each other presents, we would invest that money in a vacation together?" Somewhere we would be excited about, like Hawaii! Last month, I found myself looking at airline prices and noticed a fare sale. An opportunity to take action! We got an awesome deal: less than $350 RT per person. We're going! I'm excited! I decided to plan this around the weekend of the Honolulu marathon, which I walked in 2001. I am going to walk the marathon again. And so I get to let myself be affected by this commitment! What does my level of fitness need to be, such that I will be able to walk the marathon and be entirely energetic for the whole six days of vacation?

What does "energetic" look like? How does it show up?

For now, I know it means moving my body daily and fueling myself with healthy food.

Extraordinary.